The final bank holiday of the year. The end of the summer and the coming of the autumn. A trip to the Lakes to wallow in the last days of sun baked Cumbrian countryside which, of course, as anyone knows, is guaranteed on any trip to the Lakes; a place which contributes seventy five per cent to the countries water supply.
We left booking our destination until the last minute as usual so availability was
scarce. After lots of phone calls we finally found a site that would accomodate the caravan called Crook Farm and the lady on the other end of the phone, Mrs Armistead, was both friendly and helpful. She warned us about the location of the farm and the difficulty we might have in navigating the best route in as the roads that lead to the farm are very narrow and difficult to pass, especially if towing a caravan. She gave us directions and told us to call her when we reached a certain point and she would come and meet us and guide us in. Very reassuring. Driving through unfamiliar roads in small villages, unsure of your destination and no places to turn around are the stuff of nightmares for any caravan owner!
We set off at teatime on the Saturday evening, forewarning Mrs Armistead that we may be arriving quite late. We drove north up the M6, leaving at junction 36
and heading west on the A590. After a faultless journey we arrived at the agreed meeting point with Mrs Armistead. We dialled the number and waited for her to answer. It rang out so we tried again, eager to get on with the journey as we’d made good time and wanted to get pitched before it went to dark and the rainclouds over head looked ready for starting, but not for stopping. Frustrated, we tried again. Surely she would be anticipating our call and be ready to come and meet us, as agreed. We dialled once again, listening for an answer but the phone rang out as the first drops of rain spattered the windscreen. I was pissed off to say the least. What now? We had a route with Google Maps but no way of knowing if it was wide enough for the van to pass through so I just had to trust that it was. Relunctantly and with the headlights on full beam and the windscreen wipers on full tilt I pulled away, following the Google route on Kerry’s iPhone.
Now, unlike a satnav, Google Maps doesn’t come with a friendly voice saying, ‘in fifty metres, turn left.’ The first inkling you get of a turning is when you’ve gone ten metres past it! So we saw the first turn but missed it, meaning we had to
find a way back to the start point. This in itself wasn’t at all easy. The tight meandering lanes were difficult to squeeze through and with low visibilty I was dreading someone coming the other way. So we found our way back to our route and swung the first turn passed a pub, hard right and uphill, the wheels spinning a little on the wet road. Up we went, confident we were on the right road to our destination, passing gateways and farms hoping to see a sign saying ‘Crook Farm’. We continued on, the road narrowing further and the gradient becoming steeper. We turned a sharp bend to the left and I pressed down hard in second gear to get a good run up a steep section when I saw the glow of headlights coming towards me. Bloody fantastic, just what we need. A VW Transporter stopped ten metres in front of us and we both remained stationary for a few seconds until I said, ‘surely he doesn’t expect me to reverse?’ I started forward trying to push him into reversing but i coudn’t get traction on the wet road. My tyres spun fast and a large cloud of smoke emerged from the front wheels and the familiar smell of burning rubber. My adversary emerged from his VW.
‘Are you stuck, mate?’ He said, covering his head from the rain.
‘No, mate. But I can’t reverse. Can you not go back until we find a place wide enough to pass?’ I asked.
‘Me? No, it’s all uphill behind me I can’t reverse.’
I couldn’t believe it. I thought this guy has got to kidding, what’s wrong with him? He’s in a van, I’m towing a van. And then, just when it couldn’t get any worse, he comes out with, ‘your not going to that Crook Farm are you? What a hell hole..’
I looked at Kerry, she looked at me. ‘Why?’ I said, ‘is it bad?’
‘It’s a dump,’ he said, ‘the toilets are in a shed and the showers stink, it’s not a proper camp site.’
Just perfect, when we do finally get there, I pictured an old woman siting on a rocking chair on a wooden verander cradling a shotgun, Texas Chainsaw style.
‘Right,’ I said. ‘I’ll back up as far as I can, then I’ll pull forward as close to the side as I can and you’ll just have to try and pass me at the widest point. If you get stuck in the mud we’ll push you out. Let’s get on with.’
I heard him chunnering as he got in his van, ‘bloody hell hole.’
I gingerley reversed down the hill, keeping as straight as I could and then pulled in as close to the side of the road as I could get. He got passed easily, but left us both wet, annoyed and anxious for what was in store for us at the hell hole of the world, Crook Farm.
We continued up the hill and levelled out to see a hand painted sign directing us to Crook Farm. We entered through some narrow gate posts. We could barely make out some buildings and the outline of a few caravans through the gloom. It didn’t look great, but then we were wet, tired and the comments of the van driver had primed us for disappointment. We stood around for a few minutes wondering what to do when a figure emerged out of the darkness. We explained we had booking and the guy showed us where we could pitch for the night, so we did just that, deciding to explore the site in the morning.
After a noisy night of big, heavy raindrops, the morning brought beautiful sunshine, so after some much needed coffee, we ventured out to see what the site was like. Hidden in woodland, the site was much bigger than we had expected with several areas to pitch, some of which were on high ground up in the tree’s. It really was a lovely site; rabbits running around, birdsong in the trees and stunning views down into the valley. We did however come across
the reason for the van driver’s angst the night before: the toilets and showers, which weren’t bad but if you had been staying in a tent, they must not have been very appealing. We had the luxury of staying in a nice warm van so it was not
a problem for us but after a rainy night in a tent, the prospect of showering in anything less than a two star bathroom, which the facilities certainly were not, for some must have been difficult.
We returned to our van to be greeted by the lovely and charming Mrs Armistead who didn’t resemble anything like a character from a horror film, quite the opposite. She apologised for not answering the phone, which in the light of the morning sun didn’t seem that much of a big deal anymore. The next two days brought more sunshine and on a visit to the local nature reserve we were lucky enough to see, amongst other things, a small herd of deer.
Crook farm will be visited again I’m sure..
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